"You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."

I had moved slowly from the middle of the room to the back row of warm desks exposed to the sun pouring in from the large open awning windows that ran along the side of the ancient hardwood classroom. The 5th and 6th year seniors; facial hair, neck tattoos, kids, and prison records, that usually sat there weren’t in class today, probably drunk in the park after sharing bottles at lunch. They would light the back of your hair on fire in class and when you finally smelled it and turned around, they would just stare ahead expressionless or, look at you and say "what!!" then laugh hysterically after you turned back around.
My friend Ronnie was already sitting in the sun hunched over his desk intently scribbling, stopping only to blankly stare out the window for a second, envisioning some random thought floating past, then intently scribble again, stoned.
Ronnie always sat there, Ronnie was a small and wiry freshman but his brother had been one of the veteranos, one of the few that made out good. Ronnie’s brother was a PE teacher at the Jr. High and all the kids in the neighborhood loved him. Ronnie’s Brother still drank in the park on Sunday afternoons, listening to the oldies with the older men. He was married to a woman he met in college, some banker or, accountant or something. Ronnie's father and uncles had been in the gangs as well, so nobody ever touched him and every body wanted to be his friend, the cool thing about Ronnie was that he didn't see it, but I did.
Ms. Meyers was at the front of the room spouting something about "the bards eternal solace of wisdom, blah, blah," something about "two paths diverging, blah, blah" on and on " Blah , Blah, Blah".
I could see Maricel and Victoria slowly moving down the hill that ran up behind the football field; everything else began to fade out. The hill was a safe place to get stoned because by the time any of the fat ass! Security guards dragged their fat asses! Up the hill no matter what you were doing before, by the time they got to the top, you were ‘straight’. I could tell who it was because; there were only a hand full of girls that wore those immaculate full length creamy white knit sweaters. The sweaters swinging as they laughed and screamed, trying to hold themselves up, and make the other one fall as they made their way down the hill, baby blue ribbons in the temple of their large curly Mexican hair, perfectly cuffed 501s and immaculate white converse with the fat blue laces. Maricel was pretty but she was tough, we had 2nd hour together and I think she liked me at the beginning of the year but, after awhile I just felt like she wanted to sock me in the eye every time she saw me. Victoria was immaculate, and she would probably have a baby that way years later, she moved in and out of circles that I could not touch, writing for the school paper and yearbook. Victoria was on the Varsity cheer squad, but she still walked home with all the kids from the Coronado Street neighborhood. Maricel and Victoria stopped and talked to the freshman JV cheer squad as they were sitting around being stupid and self important in the corner of the track field. I watched as they slowly made their way down the fenceline to the back of the school. Victoria was larger than life to me but we had talked directly only once, at the park on a 'finals' half-day. I try to remember that she was speaking to me, but I was smoking and she was laughing in my group of friends. I don’t remember a word she said, but it’s hard when your trying to act casual and at the same time straining to hear every word. I remember I was struck by how small and delicate her warm brown features were, her eyes were large and her smile was perfect. She had gotten her braces off during the summer but she still tilted her head and looked down when she couldn't control her laughter. Her voice was soft, and delicate and floated in the air, it caused people to lean forward when she spoke and created an intimacy like there was no one else around.
Ronnie took his pencil and hit my knuckles hard! Ms. Myers had been calling my name but had moved on. She was old and at first it had been a test of wills to get me to speak to her, but half way through the year we had not said one word to each other. She would call roll and I wouldn't answer, but after a few weeks no one in the class would answer so she just gave up. I had felt insulted after the first day of class she sent me to the office thinking that I didn’t belong because my name wasn’t on the roll. I think it had more to do with the white t-shirt and cuffed and creased dickies. It was an honors English class for the freshmen so most of us showed up anyway, Ronnie had a bunch of these honors classes but, this English class was my only one.
Then it happened, Maricel and Victoria moved by the window smiling, Maricel was speaking in this beautiful staccato Spanish talking with her hands and oblivious to the class. Victoria was looking in the windows and I felt that she looked at me and waved. I was leaning back in my chair trying hard to look bored without falling back, because that would have been the stupidest thing any kid could do. But when I felt she waved at me I tried hard not to show my surprise. I would have waved backed but she and Ronnie were friends and she might have been waving to him. And the second stupidest thing a kid can do is wave to somebody that is waving at someone other than you, so I kind of smiled and nodded a little. Then it happened, as Victoria walked by the open window I could hear her voice clear and distinct from the teachers blah blah blahing, and the sound of Maricel in the background, she looked at Ronnie flashed him the A hand sign for the Coronado street Aztecas "Oye! Chavalo?" and then before she moved past the window said "Hey Ronnie whose your friend? He’s cute"

…who’s your friend he’s cute?

Angel, Victoria, swinging warm brown, laughing, shiny Immaculate, ditching class and probably stoned.

The bell rang and my stunned silence was shaken by a world roared to life, just as it was about to fade away gray. Ms. Myers screamed out assignments struggling to be heard over the sudden chaos, but this new world was quickly fading and discernable to me. It filled with a haze that muted the colors and pushed me cold and suddenly self conscious spilling into the angry hallway. I pushed my chin into my chest, my legs seemed long and my feet very small. Forcing the chaos to move slow and slide away from me, the whole world began to tilt and I had to walk with my arms straight at my side fists pushed tight into my pockets leaning way over, just so I wouldn't fall.

“Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to trends and fads and popular opinion.”

Today is the anniversary of the publishing of Jack Kerouac’s 'On The Road' the book was written in three weeks on a continuous scroll of paper taped together by Jack to avoid stopping his typewriter. The original text had no structure, no page breaks, no paragraphs, and all the characters were the names of the original participants. Jack used notes that he had made in small pocket notebooks that he had carried over a period of seven years as he had travelled throughout the country. He travelled between New York, Chicago, San Francisco, and Mexico. The Book describes Jack`s, experiences of, jazz, poetry, and friendships with the modern Beat Poets through visual snapshots of an America that has long since vanished. If any of you know me you know that this book (as it was for a generation) was a major influence in my life. I am intentionally understating this event; this book should be part of the cannon of required reading for every grade school child (minus the drug use, and sex scenes, of course!)

I love this quote;

“I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till I drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.”

Today is the birthday of John Cage he was a, composer, writer, and social anarchist. John Cage was born in Los Angeles, and distinguished himself as a classically trained musician. He travelled to Europe to study classic composition and architecture then moved back to the states to study composition under Arnold Schoenberg first at the New School in New York then to USC and UCLA. He joined the staff of the Cornish School of the Arts in Seattle, The Chicago School of Design, The University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, and the legendary and experimentally progressive Black Mountain College. John Cage was a prolific composer and writer throughout his career however he is best known for his most avant garde works the “4′33″” (which is comprised of three movements of total silence) and the “As Slow As Possible” [the 6th cord of which is currently being played at the Church of St. Burchard in Halberstadt Germany, and the final cord of which will be played in the year 2639].

His most influential work took place while he was at The University of Illinois “HPSCHD” (1969), is a 5 hour piece of computer generated sounds that ran with a slide show that highlighted the power of technology and the need to promote social change This experiment was not only the first piece of music comprised completely of computer generated sound but also the foundation of modern Electronic Dance Music that would rise out of Chicago, Detroit, and St.Louis.

"I will return in stone"

Today is the Anniversary of the passing of Oglala War Chief Crazy Horse (Thašuŋka Witko) {Native Americans traditionally do not like to speak of the dead, however there are few records that can confirm the birth of this last pristine generation of Native Americans therefore I will deign to the overwhelming importance of the influence.}He was born into a world that was completely different at the time of his death. He distinguished himself as a young warrior and even though he was not a peacetime chief his bravery and daring helped to distinguish him as a great war chief. Throughout his life he was also considered to be a spiritual healer and medicine man who was prone to see vision, this fact helped to solidify a following of devoted “Dogsoldiers”[the dogsoldiers were a radical spiritual warrior sect that was devoted to self sacrifice to ensure the safety of the tribe] that would follow him into battle at the Battle of Red Buttes, the Platte River Bridge Station Battle, Wagon Box Fight, Red Cloud's War, on the Boseman trail, Battle of the Rosebud, And of course the great Sioux Wars culminating in the Battle of Little Big Horn. After his people were forced into starvation Crazy horse made a choice to live in a camp near the Red Cloud Agency, located near Camp Robinson, Nebraska. In protest to the mistreatment of his people Crazy horse left many times however he was arrested and put into jail at the news of Chief Joseph leaving a reservation with his people in Washington. At one point in the middle of the night he was dragged from his cell and pulled into the front of the jail and bayoneted in his back while his arms were being held his body was turned over to his parents and taken to an undisclosed location on the Sioux reservation. He was reported to have been around 37years old, there are no known and verifiable photos of him in existence.

"Destroy yourselves, you who are desperate, and you who are tortured in body and soul, abandon all hope."

Antonin Artaud born on this day in1896 he was an Actor, director, writer, artist, poet, He traveled the world under random surnames, doing peyote with the Tarahumaras of South America and being arrested for posing as St. Patrick in Ireland. He was tormented by fits of depression and nervous breakdowns stemming from a prescription drug habit that developed after a childhood bout of meningitis he was committed for a total of 15 years of his life, and despite his difficulties he was a voracious reader and a prolific writer throughout his life.
Antonin Artaud established the "Theatre of Cruelty" school of drama. This was a break from the conservative traditional melodrama of morality plays that were the norm of the day. Antonin envisioned theatre as a ritual that used ancient primal themes to invoke deep recessed fears and desires. Antonin believed that we were unaware of the things that truly kept us in bondage, our self deprecating egos masked our external difficulties as “the devil”, and labeled internal forces as “good” when in reality both forces separated us from our true selves and kept us in bondage. To enable the individual to overcome these forces Antonin believed that they needed to be circumvented by traumatic upheavals using ancient themes, finally leaving the individual free.
Even if the true meaning of his theatre was ultimately watered down and lost. I think it’s important to see the influence of Antonin Artaud as being pervasive in our society. Jim Morrison and the Doors, The Matrix, Nine Inch Nails, Industrial, Death Metal, Black Metal, Emo, Death Rockers and Goth, all draw from the traditional “Theatre of Cruelty” as influence.

"I was no chief and never had been, but because I had been more deeply wronged than others, this honor was conferred upon me, and I resolved to prove"

On this day in 1886 Geronimo became the last Native American to capitulate a major military campaign by Native Americans against the U.S.Government. During the last few months of the campaign one quarter of the American Army 5,000troops, 500 scouts and 3,000 Mexican soldiers were searching the Chiracaua Mountains of eastern Arizona for Geronimo and his remaining force of 16 warriors, 12 women, and 6 children.
The Chiracauas were the traditional home of the Geronimo’s people. Geronimo had actually surrendered prior and traveled to the San Carlos and White Mountain Apache reservations however drunken threats of hanging by US soldiers, the mistreatment of his people and, the ultimate murder of an apache holy man had caused him gather members of his tribe and flee back to his homeland
Geronimo was not a chief however the traditional Apache ethos of enduring great hardship, and taking what is needed, plus years of guerilla actions in the harshest conditions against overwhelming odds. Had contributed to Sensationalized press reports exaggerating Geronimo's activities, making him the most feared and infamous Apache.

In all fairness one of the most pivotal moments in Geronimo’s life was in 1858 when on an excursion to peace talks between the Government and the Apaches he returned to find his wife, his mother and his three young children murdered by troops. Among the tribe he was a changed man and became known for his anger and hatred, soon after this incident he received his power, which came to him in visions. Geronimo was never a chief, but a medicine man, a seer and a spiritual and intellectual leader both in and out of battle. The Apache chiefs depended on his wisdom

Upon their surrender, Geronimo and over 300 of his fellow Apaches were shipped to Fort Marion, Florida. One year later many of them were relocated to the Mt.Vernon barracks in Alabama, where about one quarter died from tuberculosis and other diseases. Geronimo died on Feb. 17, 1909, a prisoner of war, unable to return to his homeland. He was buried in the Apache cemetery at Fort Sill, Oklahoma.

To this day Geronimo is the embodiment of the apache ethic, and has become an iconic rallying point among the apache tribe as an uncompromising symbol of freedom.

In 1986 the chair of the San Carlos Apache Tribe Ned Anderson was petitioning to have the remains of Geronimo moved from Fort Sill back to Apache land. Anderson received a anonymous letter from someone claiming to be a member of the Yale Skull and Bones Society the writer claimed that the Skull and Bones were in possession of Geronimo’s skull. The writer included a photograph of a skull in a display case and a copy of what is apparently a centennial history of Skull and Bones, written by the literary critic F. O. Matthiessen . In Matthiessen's account and a Skull and Bones log book from 1919, the skull had been unearthed by six Bonesmen, identified by their Bones nicknames, Matthiessen mentions the real names of three of the robbers, all of whom were at Fort Sill in early 1918: Ellery James '17, Henry Neil Mallon '17, and Prescott Bush '17, (the father and grandfather of the U.S. presidents) all of this information was substantiated by Yale historian Gaddis Smith in the Yale Daily News 5/9/06 (George Bush is left of the Clock)

"Majority rule only works if you're also considering individual rights. you can't have five wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper"

I have been watching a lot of what’s been going on lately; News, Sports, Entertainment and Politics. I think that I am going to take a page from an influence that is dear to all our hearts, Hustler’s Larry Flint and start a new Gadget on my blog. It will be “the Jackass of the month” the purpose will be to dishonorably mention those members of our society that through their actions distinguish themselves from all the rest as going above and beyond the call of Jackassness

"The only band that matters."

On this day 1982 The US Music Festival opens for three days in San Bernardino, California 400,000 fans hear Fleetwood Mac, the Police, the Cars, the Talking Heads, the Grateful Dead, Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson among others. The festival is divided into Four days; New wave, Rock, Heavy Metal, and Country. The festival lost about 20 million dollars for the main festival sponsor Steve Wozniak of the then upstart software company Apple Inc. One of the main headliners VanHalen had secured a $1,500,000. Guarantee and Eddie Van Halen had been quoted in Rolling Stone as saying that “punk rock sounded like something I played in my garage as a kid” During the Van Halen set David Lee Roth was quoted as saying “The only people that put tea in Jack Daniels bottles are The Clash”. The Clash on the other hand had asked that a portion of their guarantee be donated to various charities, and Joe Strummer was quoted backstage as saying “VanHalens music is for idiots” and at one point during the weekend the Clash and Van Halen got into an altercation, by all accounts the Clash kicked ass! I didn’t make it to San Bernardino that weekend, however me and a few friends did make it down to the Tucson convention center a few weeks prior to see The Clash. There are those moments, in retrospect, where you can see what you were like before and how diffrent you were after. even though its been said a hundred times before, may gods love be with you Joe Strummer !!



On September 3, 1997 in Salt Lake City Utah, only eight days after classes began, Jacob Lawrence Orosco hanged himself at his mother's home. Jacob was 17, a senior in high school, incoming President of the East High School Gay/Straight Student Alliance, a student support group brought together by Jacob to deal with issues of persecution. Jacob was openly gay. To stop having to accommodate the Alliance the school board had banned all extracurricular activities at East High. State law forbids Utah's public school teachers from saying anything in the classroom that would imply acceptance or advocacy of homosexuality. This effectively ostracized Jacob in the community blaming him for all extracurricular activities being banned at East High. And opening Jacob up to threats of violence and resentment in the community.

“None of us are free until the weakest of us is free”